Is dirty messages online cheating?

I just got off the phone with my sister only to find that she suspects that her husband is cheating on her; however, it is not physically cheating; instead, he's been e-mail and texting over the internet to different women dirty messeges. Is this...

enough to end a marriage or should she wait until she knows he physically cheated. What do you think?

***His 'dirty chats': are probably no different than leafing through a dirty magazine...***

The magazine doesn't involve interaction with a real person.

I think that what counts as cheating depends on who you are talking to. Many people have different opinions on what matters to them.

In my own opinion I would ask her if she thinks he was truly intending to act on anything he did - or if it was just his bad idea of a joke. He may have just been fooling around on the internet and didn't realize it would hurt his wife's feelings.

On the other hand - if he knew details about the women - and perhaps considered meeting them - then this takes a step closer to cheating.

I wouldn't say it is enough to end a marriage - but enough to cause them to have some serious talks on trust and cheating so they can get on the same page about what is okay and what is not okay to do online.

Best of luck to your sister!

I agree... I think it totally counts as cheating.

umm yes, that does count as cheathing because he is not fully focused on her. he did commit to marrying her. :l

It can progress into what is called an 'emotional affair' ...and yes, doing it behind your spouse's back, IS cheating.

Yes everyone is right-

It has happend to me. (texting).

I believe that cheating isnt all physical... If you are thinking it.. its cheating.

There is a book by James Allen called As a Man Thinketh

it says:

men imagine that thought can be kept secret, but it cannot. It rapidly crystallizes into habit, and habit solidifies into habits of drunkenness and sensuality, which solidify into circumstances of destitution and disease. Impure thoughts of every kind crystallize into enervating and confusing habits, which solidify into distracting and adverse circumstances. Thoughts of fear, doubt, and indecision crystallize into weak, unmanly, and irresolute habits, which solidify into circumstances of failure, indigence, and slavish dependence.

So what it is saying, If he can emotionally and mentally be with someone behind his wifes back, eventually it will become a habit.
Its cheating. Its not almost cheating, or only a little cheating.

Wow! Thanks for your comments...I know she loves him a lot, I know she will be disappointed when I tell her other people's views on this matter. We'll see what she says.

I disagree... men are horny all the time and they need about 8 x more sex than a woman. His dirty chats: are probably no different than leafing through a dirty magazine... Just have him not be secretive about it and maybe she can play around with him online. Most men need a TON more than they get. and when they ask their wives for it they get told put that thing away -- any wonder that they're always jacking off to internet illusions?

True, Captin A, the magazine is more detached... but how real is the real person he's sending dirty messages to? At least, in his mind? I suspect he doesn't treat them quite like he might treat a flirting co-worker, it's still miles safer than real in-person real. Although yes, as you pointed out, theres still the possibility of emotional attachment.

The internet has changed the world dramatically, and even the definition of intimacy has changed. But I still think that most men are really just after a quick wank and then on to other things. I doubt very much that most partnerships are threatened by a quick on-line rendezvouis and I also believe that woman could in general, be a bit more understanding of their partners' sex drive.

***I doubt very much that most partnerships are threatened by a quick on-line rendezvouis***

Considering the current divorce rate, I think it could be a definate catalyst.

Hey Captain, this first paragraph is for you...When you said that women tell their men to put it away...thats not always true...I never say not to my husband, but he has said no to me before, so thats not always the case. In fact, I want sex more than he does. I think it might depend on the age of the guy, teenagers and men in their lower tweenties have higher sex drives then when their in their thirties.

ON the other hand...my sister's husband always says no to her...she wants sex but he will never give it to her, and then she finds out he's talking to these girls that he use to work with (so he knows them). She just found out yesturday evening that he's flying out to where she lives...who knows he he's going to cheat. What do you think of that.

Also Captain, you said that you***doubt very much that most partnerships are threatened by a quick on-line rendezvouis*** and then you talked about the divorce rate being high...dont you think thats why its high? If your wife was tallking to another man sexually, and thinking of meeting up with him would you be mad? I would (my husband I mean, lol).

Hi Salle... captain was quoting me in the asterisks... yes, I was totally generalizing . I apologise for that! I guess indeed, your sister's husband is up to no good... based on the extra information you've provided. I suppose the situation has changed into a lot more serious one now... I feel very bad for your sister. I hope she does the right thing... leave his bags outside the door so there's nowhere to come back to after his flight...

yeah, I can understand that. You're an online camera performer! haha! Whats that, it is what it sounds like, and do you get paid, sweet! Yeah it looks like she's going to do that...I am not for sure yet. I will have to talk to her later on today and find out. Thanks for the comment pink pearl! = ]

Its crazy how such things as text sex can lead to so much more. Most people are greedy. They get hooked on one thing.. and always want to take it further.. I totally believe that anything that has to do with sexual desires with another person is always going to get you emotionally involved. Salle021- I hope your sister does the right thing..

If your partner is doing something sexual with someone else -regardless the form- *behind your back* then it is cheating. If both partners keep the lines of communication open and are comfortable with other forms of sexual stimulus(such as dirty texting with a third party) then it's not cheating.

It's also stereotypical and sexist to say that men need 8x more sex. There's some of us women out there that need it too!

xox
Sika

I hear you girls! you're right!

Yea its is cheating my boyfriend just recently did this to me but different people have different opions of what cheating is but yea for ME it IS cheating

It's definatly cheating, any person that does this to someone that they're meant to love is scum!!

It is not cheating unless he acts on the fantasies his chats evoke

yes!!! her husband is obviously taking interests in other women!!! There is only suppose to be 1 woman not 2!!! Your sis needs to confront her husband! Thats a low and shallow thing he is doing and he isn't considering any of your sisters feelings!!!