Calling all mums/dads/etc and boys; need male puberty advice

I know the technicalities of puberty. I know when, how and what, but the reality is very proving to be very different!

My 10-year old, simply, isn't my 10-year old anymore. He is moody, snappy; over emotional and over reacts to everything! Seriously!...

It’s like living with someone with bipolar syndrome!

I have tried the books, chats, and rationalising - but it seems to seep out of his brain with the next meltdown!

He got mad at my 4-year old for him playing soldiers and 'shooting' his gun at his bike in the garden (inanimate object - nothing actually shoots out of gun etc, play gun, just makes a noise)

I don't know. I’m just concerned because he is turning into a miniature of his dad who I split up with 9 years ago...honestly he is behaving just like him...however, he never grew up much either, and still hasn't...- I digress...

So any tips from current puberty sufferer’s lol! Or just got out of it (as much as you ever can!) or from mums... Basically, I am going to show him the advice, so please be realistic, I realise what he's going through is normal, but I need to help him, help himself cope with these emotions more. And I would like other people to tell him if they experianced the same thing etc...

Thanks...

It is hard to say why it sets him off but what will help is for you to not loose it also. Give warnings as you need to and corrections as you need to, but remember things are not going as crazy in your life as they are going crazy in his. Before an episode starts have a “posted” (for he will argue about what you said or did not say) list of actions and consequences. At first he will go to the extreme and violate most if not all of them in one blow-up. This is a test to see if he can use your sympathy against you to control things. When things calm down let him know you love him and the consequences stay. If towards the end you wish to let him work off the some consequences then do so. Ask a friend that knows the situation better about getting him help or not.

Remember, consistence and patients is the way to go. After that is more consistence and more patients…

What you have is a Boy, nothing less and nothing more. Time and prayer will help you.

Oh yes, I have an 11 year old and a 9 year old (both boys). I wouldn't fear too much that your son is 'turning into his dad' - he seems to be very, very like my own sons too.

'Meltdown' is a good description - my eldest can go for quite a while being reasonable, but then suddenly explode so that the normal bounds of reasoning, consequences or time-out mean nothing to him - he is going to blow and nothing will stop him! Over the last year it has occurred at times over homework, over restrictions on time on the Nintendo DS and potentially over anything where he feels we are thwarting him: 'You never listen to me! Why is it always me? But you haven't heard what I was saying!' etc.

The worst 'paddies' lasted over an hour, and we did get him help, as that was all about homework and he had a problem with his handwriting. He began to calm down a bit when he had some professional help with coordination and handwriting skills. But other things still cause explosions which he seems to be unable to control. His younger brother is a little similar but seems to have more control over unreasonable anger - he's more likely to go moping around the house snivelling instead!

So, in terms of advice, I haven't got all the answers! What I have found helpful is to speak to the eldest as he is calming down (maybe as much as an hour after the explosion). I've just had to gage it according to his temperament, so these things might not work for your son. I've said things like: 'I feel absolutely awful after all that, and I guess you do to. Do you think it was the best way to get what you wanted? Was there another way that might have worked better?' I just reiterate that I will never give in to a bad temper, but that a reasonable request from him in the first place would have got a polite response, and possibly even got him what he wanted!

Sometimes, if they're just being low-level rude, rather than all-out vile, I say: 'I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that, because you said it badly, and I'm going to give you a chance to think it through and ask politely instead'. Sometimes that helps them to remember how a positive manner is more likely to get them what they want!

I've picked up an Usbourne book called 'What's happening to my body' which I'm going to give them. I haven't done it yet, because it's more about full-on puberty, rather than just the early mood swings, but I think it's going to be helpful.

Best of luck!

Good advice, guruforgod. Knowing the consequences in advance may not make a difference to the tantrum, but does help think twice about doing it again, and it shows that the parent is being fair and consistent, not angry and irriational like the child. It's hard not to get angry but that does just make things much worse...

alright alright. im 14 so I know how he feels. what you should do is not look to those parent help books. nobody should tell you how to raise your kids. every kid is different and you cant rely on stereotypes. what I would do is get him something productive to keep him occupied. not vidoegames, or tv. get him to play an instrument or join a sport or something. but let him choose, dont force him into something;.

wow that is a hard subject. try making him do something relaxing like yoga or meditation to cool him down.

hey my name is Tyler an yes it is definetly part of puberty because I did the same thing. I also felt irrated because I did not know what was really going to happen next, I was told about puberty but was not sure if I was developing properly. Hope that answers your ?.