Broken tears, I wrote this for my english class

I know this is a lot to read but please read and commet. It means a lot to me.

I wrote this for my English class and my teacher gave me a 95% (im in 10t grade)

read and tell me what you think. thanks. (sorry if there are a lot of sp mistakes. I havent read it thru. after typing it up)

Is it any good?
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Broken Tears
Have you ever lost someone you loved and did not realize how much you loved them till they were gone? If so you probably know how much it hurts and maybe even did not realize how much you loved them. If you have not lost someone before you will learn from my story that it does hurt more than you think.

I bowed my head riding the elevator to the third floor. "It is so slow." I thought as my sleepy eyes closed. It seemed as if the elevator slowed down taking forever to reach it's destination. Finally the metal doors opened and I walked out with everyone heading toward the say place. I turned a corner and noticed everything seemed so slow. My breathing shallow and my pace was off. I took my pale hand to place it on my heart, and it seemed as if the normal beating had disappeared.

"Why is everything so slow?" I asked my Nanny turning my head to face her. She said.

"Ashleigh, I am so sorry." I blinked at her and faced forward. The ICU hallway was so near but seemed so far away. I looked to the door that lead to my papa. A man bowed his head pushing a button on a wall. The doors closed and that is when I snapped back to reality.

It was September 15, 2007 and my cousins Destony, Darrel, My uncle Timmy, Aunt Dawn, and my little brother and I were crammed up in a small car.

"Brandon!!" I yelled at my little brother who was sitting beside me hitting my arm. "Stop it!" I glared at him. He was so aggravating.

"Hey shut up back there before I throw you all out of this car!" Barked a joking but seriously sounding Timmy. Brandon gave me a nasty look; I ignored it.

"How much more longer?" Asked Darrel from the front. "About five more minutes" Replied Timmy. Dawn had said nothing the whole ride.

When the dragging five minutes finally ended, I hoped out of the car to stretch my tired legs. Being five 'eight and in the back of a car is not all that fun. As soon as I found myself comfortable I walked to my mom and gave her a hug. I was sure she needed one. Once the family was reunited, we tracked ourselves in the funeral home/chapel.

I smiled upon seeing my cousins Lauren and Rachel, but frowned at the sad sight of my aunt Barbara crying.

"Coming Ashleigh?" Came my Grandma Doris's voice. I snapped to attention and nodded my head. I walked slowly to Mom, Barabra and Granny. They were holding hands and having hands on each others backs. We were standing in front of 62 year old Robert A. Wilt- my grandfather who passed away.

I smiled seeing him, but only because he looked so peaceful and at rest. Then I frowned sadly as Barbara and Mom cried. Of course when they striated Granny did too. Sighing I put my hand on Momma's back to comfort her. I looked back to Papa and noticed and letter placed on his small, pale hands. "Dad" was written on it. Raising my eyebrow I turned to Barbara who was on the other side of mom.

"Barbara" I began to ask. "Is that you letter?"

"Yes," she said laughing as she whipped away her tears. "and he better read it too."
I shook my head grinning. Barbara had always cracked jokes.

The next thirty minutes went by rather quickly. Everyone sat down for the service. I wanted to cry when Pastor Wilson started speaking but I could not and would not make myself cry. I wanted to be strong for my mom and family. As I looked around myself I saw People crying Mom, Barbara, Timmy, Dawn, Granny, and my step granny Polly's kids. Blinking I turned around I started to listen to Pastor Wilson speak. He said.

"Early morning on September, 12th, I talked to Robert. I prayed with him. Twice I did, and when I was done I asked him 'Did you accept the Lord into your heart?' He nodded his head yes. He could not talk with all the tubes down his throat, and I asked him 'did you ask God to forgive your sins?'he again nodded his had yes. At the moment I knew Robert had been saved. Later that day he passed away." Pastor Wilson finished his story and bowed his head. "Lets pray" he said. Biting my lower lip I did so. I tried not to cry which probably was not the smartest Idea, but I held it in.

When the service was over everyone retreated to their awaiting vehicles. Everyone was going to the same place. Where my papa was being buried. I did not ride wit Timmy this time; instead I walked over to my parents car. I thought it would be polite.

The ride was nothing special. It was an hour long sitting in a car hearing momma cry. She did not cry the whole was, and I was quiet happy with that though I would not have minded if she did.

The line of cars poured themselves into the church yard. Beside the church rested graves of past Wilts. Even Polly was buried there.

I rearranged my black dressy skirt and opened the door. As soon as I hoped out a rush of cold icy wind hit my face. My skirt, like a parachute, blew up in the wind. "Brr," I said wrapping my arms around myself. It was really cold, and short sleeves and a skirt did not help.

Ten minutes later we listened to some guy read verses from the bible. Papa's coffin rested in front of me. I stood behind two rows of chairs, and as the man finished talking he said "You all may stay as long as you like." At the moment I feel to my knees as tears of pain grief fell from my pale green eyes.

Did my story has any effect on you? Did it make you feel sad? Could you feel the pain that I had felt? It is not something fun of course though It did teach me a lesson. You love your loved one more than you think. Can you see that now?

I think its great and you could really be touched by it especialy if like me you have lost relatives its a really accurate acount of what you would feel like.

Wow..I just read the whole thing and it was amazing. It was incredibly well-written. And your emotions were conveyed very clearly. Great job. I'm sad now though.

Thanks you guys

And editor when I read it to me class my teacher cried so I guess it does give off that sad feeling.

its beautiful but more
you touched my heart
it brings me back to some one very special
thank you