Anger.

Everytime I think, see, talk about, or hear my mum, I feel a lot of anger and rage burst into me which makes me snap. In some cases I dont mean to do it but I do. I don't really have or have ever had a proper mother daughter relationship with her. Its as though I hate her, but I dont relise I do. I cant stand being in the same room with her most times and I dont really talk to her unless I have to. I dont even think I have ever given her more than like 5 hugs since I have been able to do things by myself. I cant talk to her about it because I feel uncomfortable talkin to her bout things like that. Everyone is urging me to but I just cant.
To be really honest im scared. I am really scared that the time I need or want my mum, she isnt going to want to see me...or...not be there at all. It has been tearing me up inside for years now. But I just mask it and get on in life. Thing is though, it is now getting to the point where it is affecting my school work and how I behave towards my boyfriend and my friends and my bro. I hate just having sudden urges of anger that I just want to scream and punch something but I hide it from everyone else and just act like everything is normal or just not talk to anyone or listen to heavy music, that usually calms me down. But then after all that is over I just want to cry but again, I hold it in. Im quite scared. I have never turned on any person at all, but im afraid I will one day. I really dont know what to do. Most people who are close to me dont know it has got this far, but in my eyes, I think it has gone beyond fixing. What can I do?
DevilsChild666

Well, the way I see it, is there doesnt seem to be a real relation between the two of you...
This is going to seem like hte most rudimentry and ignorently idialogical responce you will get, but im the sort to try and fix things as fast as possable... WHenever your both pritty idol, go against your wishes, and push yourself to talk to her, have a convosation, find somthing the both of you can relate on... I cant say I get along well with my mum, but if I feel guilty for not visiting her, I force myself to talk about anything random that happend in that week, and she mite come up with a respence, and we beggin to chat... After a wile, a little tension dissopears... This may or may not help, but I urge you to at least give it a try, and see if it works for you... Love, Mr-E

Dear Devil,
Can you try and think of anything that someone has done to you to make you feel this anger? Not that this would be an excuse..but it would help me talk to you.
Familycoach

crying is gud 4 you dont hold it in your not supergirl or anything like that just learn 2 relax and be more friendly and go up2 your mom and give her a big long hug and tell he how much you love her and mabe go out 4 coffee or something k

I think that you both didn't bond at birth. This may be permanent, seeing as you don't get on with each other now. It's a horrible and tricky situation.
I think you should try releasing all your anger through crying. Never hold the tears back. Try talking about the situation as much as possible because then you'll get many different opinions, answers and advice. I also reckon you should maybe talk things through with a councilor who will get to the root of this problem and she/he might even have a little chat with your mum too, to see how she feels.
You need to ask your mum how she feels because she's probably not happy either. If you can't talk to her, write all your feelings and questions down in a letter and give it to her.

Remember, honey, she's your only female role-model in your life. You need to sort things through now in case they never get sorted in the future!

There is something deep inside that has happened between you both that you have never let go of, or forgiven, maybe she did something, or maybe you just hold a grudge becos she was never affectionate with you. Either way you need to speak to her about it, maybe try and get some coucelling together to work thru your issues and get to the bottom of whats going on inside your head and your heart.

The funny thing is...my mom and I are the same way. I never feel as if I can talk to her. We never get alogna and when I am talkignt o her its ebcause I ahve to or else we are arguing. I try not to cry but it just builds up and I take it out other ways. why advice is to trya and start over. Before things get to the point that you move out and then you enevr talk to your moma dn if you ahve kids they woint ahve a good relatonshipw ith their grandma. hope my advice helped. good luck! :-) xoxoTESSAxoxo

I was like that 2 for most of my life,and not just wit my mum but also my dad.sit down and tlk 2 your mum before its 2 late and try and sort it

It looks to me like your anger issues are more than just because your mom bugs you. That may have something to do with it, but we all get sick of our mothers every once and a while. You might have some kind of disorder, like bipolar or borderline. Thats nothing to be ashamed of either, I know quite a few people that do have those disorders and when they take medicine, its like anger and frustration doesnt even exist to them anymore! I think you should look into that.
Write a note to your mom or something if you are too afraid to talk to her in person. Or talk to another adult that you trust. You cant just sit back and do nothing. Each day it will get harder and harder for you to function, Im sure you've probably already realized that.