Am I messed up from sexual abuse?

Okay well its kinda an odd story but here goes_ when I was about 4yrs old I used to have this friend named tina (she was 4 too) and I used to go over her house to play and stuff.. While my parents were at work. Well I remember her telling me to come into the closet with her and she used to touch my vag*na .. And basicalli just rub it and stuff .. And I felt uncomfortable but I didnt really know any better and I didnt wana tell on her because I didnt want to get her into trouble. Then when I was about 9 or 10 years old.. I was over my cousin selina's house (she was 13 or 14) .. And we were playing with dolls in her tent..in her play room .. And she got on top of me and started grinding on me . I was confused but I knew it was wrong .. And then she told me not to say anything. After those things happened I remember always being overly sexual. Like I was masterb*ting since the age of 10.. And stuff. I wasnt having sex with anyone but just always masterb*ting. And im confused sexually. Right now im in a relationship with a woman but I've only seriously been with one guy (I've dated a lot though but I've only been sexual with a very limited amount of people). I always question myself and I strongly think that all of that is coming back to haunt me and I dont know what to do. I dont want to tell my parents ; I've only told my girlfriend .. And she was shocked..and upset that it happened to me. I've been considering going to see a therapist and talking about everything that I keep inside of me emotionally. Is that a bad idea?? And until I make the step.. What can I do to get my mind off of the things that happened? Am I stupid for not saying anything? Lastly --- was what I went through sexual abuse??? Help me please

I think you should tell someone, because that definetely sounds like sexual abuse! Im so sorry about all of that stuff happening to u! I hope you can find some help~

Yes, what you went through was sexual abuse. Even though it wasn't violent and I'm sure those girls really didn't intend to harm you - it was still sexual abuse.

You're not stupid for speaking up. Many sexual abuse survivors are scared, embarrassed, confused etc.

I think you should see a therapist. Many victim advocate centers and rape and crisis centers offer free counseling. Look for one in your local area.

Keeping all those things bottled up will only drive you crazy. You will always have the memories of it, but you can change how you handle those memories when they pop into your mind or if you have a trigger.

If you need to talk, I'm here - just send me a funmail.

xox
Sika

I think you misinterpret what happened to you. In the early childhood and even later when you are a teenager, some sexual touchings are just natural, if it is not really offensive, torturing, or it does not come from an adult. So nothing was 'wrong' in those adventures you described, so you should forget your 'confuse' about sexual items, and open your mind to a more liberated sexual life. And I think, your sexual inhibitions come from a different source, and not from those you described here. Believe me!

Actually, most children experiment with one another once in a while. It is totally natural. Children are curious and these sorts of things happen all the time. And also many people start mastub@ting at a young age---again totally natural!

However I am not recognizing that you felt uncomfortable with those experiences with those other girls. You must have felt pressured and obviously did not consent to such an experience. I think if you feel this upset, you should see a therapist at least once just to talk it out and get a professional opinion. I cant hurt!