Am I crazy?

Alright here is my question, I crave destruction, I crave a time when the world drops down a peg and becomes less civilized, like the apocalypse maybe.

Anyways, I'm extremely well under pressure, I cant stand the cycle of normal day life so I casually look for something dangerous to do, thrill seeker maybe, I cant really think of a time I've felt real fear, like being killed or something where you just freeze and cant move, never happened to me (and I've had a gun pulled on me). So what I'm asking is, why the hell do I want danger, why do I want to have to fight for EVERYTHING emotionally and physically, its like if there's something I need to do and it doesn't involve danger, I'm really not interested, people have called me a thrill seeker and 'Fearless' but I really don't think that's it, I don't WANT to get hurt, I just want the times when people don't know what to do so I can do em for them, I guess its a natural leadership ability (says all my friends), I really just don't know why, but I want to FIGHT to survive, I want destruction, and I want de-civilization.

Prob a hard thing to answer, but let me know!

sounds like a 'definition phase' I went through about 20 years ago.
life today can be so 'simple' and unrewarding- not many tests for us to be how nature intended us to be- and that is 'self reliant', and able to face any and all obstacles in our paths- not because we wanted too, but because we had to.
I believe you are simply attempting to find your boundaries, find the extent of your skills. it is a growing and learning experience- that I wish everyone had the opportunity to do.
as far as the craving of destruction, and de-civilization- you are simply looking for the proper arena to test your skills- believing that you can't find yourself within the parameters of the modern world.
well you don't need to look that far- what you are seeking exists.
I don't know what your 'hunting' background is- but that is the place to start- hunting.
see if this would be acceptable to you.
you are 'ground hunting' on KODIAK ISLAND, armed with a bow and arrow, leaned up against a tree momentarily- when a giant 1000 pound + kodiak bear comes into your line of sight, and he starts moving towards you- unaware of your presence.
you know that your life or death depends on your skill , and you have to make a clean shot- without any error. truly a YOU- OR HIM scenario, either you get him or he mauls or kills you. sound about right?
africa offers many experiences such as this- the black death (wildebeest, or water buffalo)
hope this answer hits close.
and no- I don't believe you are crazy.

id say you want to protect people, and yourself
I wouldnt actually WANT de-civilization but id think id have the ability to survive quite well if it happend, the same with the gun, I wouldnt really be scared if someone pulled a gun on me...I kind of think im indestructable...and I hate man made objects! haha
but I think you might want to protect people
maybe youd have fun in the military?!
youd be around danger all the time but youd be fighting foe survival, and for other peoples survival too?!
your not really crazy, you just think differently to most people

yeah people have told me to join the army (dude you would totally rank up so fast) but that to me is just dumb, why fight a battle someone else started.

Anyways, You basically explained me, lol I think im in love!

lawls.

I've done somethining like that before, huting black bears with nothing but a knife with my dad when I was about 15-16, I loved it but hunting was always boring to me so I never did it again, but I see what your saying, I really want to test my limits.

Thanks.

then I believe your next option would be the military special forces, becoming a seal team 'operator' would truly push your boundaries, as well as the very real possibility of placing you into certain 'sensitive conflict situations'.
the seals would let you know who you truly are.

Your really into things that get your adrenaline pumping...sounds like some primitive instict kicking in (google 'amigdala' is a part of your primitive brain structure). therapy and art therapy could help you find out where this non/desire is coming from, even look into hyponoterapy to analyze what in your past has made you numb. I tink if left uncheck this could become unhealthy for you and your loved ones.

you definatley have my state of mind, it is wierd but not crazy. but I'll call upon you when the riots start a couple years from now. your craving will be forfilled sooner than you think.

Well, you're not the only one who's like that! I'm kinda like that too, but I think its normal to be crazy a lil bit! Cause if there wernt any crazy people, how the hell are we going to live?!!