Am i being too old fashioned?

My friend has a sister that has a 16 year old daughter. She also has a 14 year old and a 5 year old. She routinely goes out to the bars and leaves the 5 year old with the 14 year old to take care of all night. And she lets the 16 year old go over to...

spend 3-4 nights a week with her boyfriend (not just hang out...actual sleepovers). The only supervision there (if you want to call it that) is a father that passes out drunk about 9pm everynight.

When she told me this I was like WHAT???

Does this shock anyone else that parents don't care? I just don't understand it at all. I guess it's just how I was raised.

Am I being old fashioned? Is this how people are raising their kids these days?

Depending on the parents, but yeah...I think people are a lot softer on their children these days...but children seem to be changing too...growing up too fast not really embracing their childhood.

No, you are not old fashioned. Your friend's sister is not a good mother. Her kids will miss her maternal care in their soul for all of their life. If the kids are lucky this childhood may make them very independent and strong for their adult life. But the other possibility is loosing their emotional balance for all the life, and they will depend on drug, or alcochol or else.

I know thats what I'm worried about. People have called CPS on her in the past, but she always still has her kids. If you try to say anything, she gets defensive and calls you names. I just hurt for the kids...they are sweethearts, and I just want them to stay that way.

You're cerainly not being old-fasioned.. Im 15 myself and find that an alarming matter.
I do feel worried for the kids.. and having a father who passes out drunk doesn't exactly help.
Hmm :S

It doesn't suprise me because when I was growing up my mom was really into drugs .such as coke alll the time .when I got older she let me do the same thing with my boyfriend but around 14 I would stay there to get away ..parents need to grow up and take responsibility

The problem with this situation is that it--and similar ones--are actually fairly common. Keep in mind, that does NOT make it ok.

You are not being old-fashioned. I don't really see a problem with a 16 year old going out that often, but leaving a 14 year old to care for your child while you go out to a bar is wrong.

That's really a sad situation.

No..In fact if you are her friend you could help her. Make her understand that her actions show you and her kids that she does not really love her children.
So many times we hear kids first etc..It means nothing..to me anyway.
Maybe you could throw her in your car and tell her you are taking her for a trip.
Then take her to the nearest childrens hospital on the cancer floor. (make sure both of you have no colds etc..) Take some coloring books and different toys,for kids from 18 on down boy/girl things..You don't have to spend a lot..Dollar store stuff. Maybe when she watches other mothers and fathers living in a nightmare..and she sees these kids and how horrific this is, it will make her see how blessed she really is.
Pass out all the things you have for the kids. You will really make them happy.
If it has no affect than so be it. When I see a parent that shows no love for their own child, while trying to justify it to friends,family, etc..It makes me sick. These kids have nobody else to turn to with all sorts of things in life, and she is letting them down along with dad but it sounds like you could help more through her. The biggest question I have for this type of situation is how do you make someone love their kids? Maybe the trip to a childrens hospital will knock some sense into her and take away her self centered sickness she has allowed to infect her inner core.
Familycoach

I think your friend's sister needs to grow up and realize that she is a mother now and needs to be there with her kids. She is living life as if she has no responsibilities (not only her,but also the father). There are ways to help her but the main worry right now are the kids. What are they going to do meanwhile? This is not a healthy environment for them. I feel that if neither parent can show their kids love and attention,then maybe someone needs to step up (maybe the mother's sister) and show these kids that they are loved. Some one has to be a role model for them.

Thanks for all the advice guys!! Let me clarify something that might not be clear: The 16 year old doesn't just get to go out 3-4 times a week...she is actually SPENDING THE NIGHT (sleepover) at her boyfriend's house. And the father that passes out at 9pm is the boyfriend's father. So no adult supervision while the 16 year old gets to play house.

I dont think you are being old fashioned at ALL! It sounds like an extreme lack of parenting on the parents part- Sometimes it really irritates me when I hear about mothers, not acting like mothers... but rather acting like a single teen with no responsibilities... (like KIDS)

no I dont think you are being old fashioned I would never leave a 5 yearold with a 14 year old their is no experience with babysitting. Im scared to leave my kids with my boyfriends mom and she is great with them its just me maybe I dont like anyone watching them but me or their dad its so hard to leave them anywhere but with us.

Know for the 16 sleeping over her boyfriends house that just asking for some trouble even more. She is having no type of parenting in her life I feel bad for all the kids they are lacking the most importanting thing in their life there mom and this is showing them that what their mom is doing is right

Wow I never though I would hear anything like that this world is crazy leaving chilern with other childern those kids are in my prays

Thank you.

There really aren't enough details here to tell. A lot of 14 year olds are perfectly capable of babysitting a 5 year old, but then, a lot of 14 year olds still need a babysitter themselves!

Allowing your 16 year old to go have sleepovers with her boyfriend doesn't sound like a great idea, but it might be better than sneaking around. If she's on the pill and it's a monogamous relationship, does it matter all that much if she's 16 or 18? If I have a sexually active child, I'd rather she just hang out at her boyfriends
's house instead of going to parties where drinking and driving and nonmonogomous sex are likely.

I mean if a 14 yr old is babysitting a 5 yr old isnt bad as long as she konws what she's doin now the 16 yr old spendin the nite...im not realy sure on that because im 14 and I spend the nite over my boyfriends house once but everyone was home I mean but the mother needs to stop going to the bar on a regular basis she has a young child and needs to be there not in some bar

People these days do not know how to use Birth Control! Therefore they keep having children that they do not care about nor have a desire to raise. These people do not want to have to give up their lives and freedoms, so they don't they act in the ways you have said. This is just a terrible trend. Like the 16 year old will probably get pregnant too early as well since she is clearly intimate with her boyfriend in some ways, she then will most likely raise her children in the same way. I only see it this way because it is my life. My oldest sister has 2 children and clearly was not ready for either and does anything she can to go out and party while someone else watches her children. My sister is smart enough to find adults to take her children while she acts out, but it is only a matter of time for it to change.

omg! I'm 13 years old and I think that is a realy sad and bad situation! first of all, the 16 year old could get pregnant and then who will take care of her and the baby, second of all the 14 year old probably doesn't even now how to really be a mother yet to the little 5 year old, and third of all the 5 year old probably thinks that his 14 year old sister is his mother! and a father that is drunk all the time. omg, you need to call some help for those children! now!!!