12 years daughter probably planning having sex

I know that times changes and that we have to adjust to it. Kids of today mature sexually much earlier and faster than we, the parents, did. I am a mother of two girls, 10 and 12 years. Where we live, the majority of girls have sex by 12 years old (some...

getting pregnant), and I think my daughters would not be exceptions of that rule, as they are very perceptive of the pleasures of the body. The strangest thing is that that my eldest daughter had not had her first period, although my youngest began hers as nine years old (believe that?). I know that she does not have sex, as in intercourse at least, but if her big sister does not, she would any day. She has begun shaving off her pubes regularly as clockwork now. I do not want her getting pregnant at such young age. We pretty much talk about everything, but I guess she still have secrets as I have noticed that she come home with different underwear, and sometimes there are stains which is not of the typical stains, which make me suspect she have received sperm in her vagina or otherwise. If vaginally, the problem arises, because she is not been given any birth control. The predicament is if I offer her the pill, and she really did not have any plan to have sex any time soon, my step would backfire, as she would understand it to be a go-ahead signal into the act. It is time, however, to have a constructive conversation with her, and I think how I should proceed without creating distance with her, but I want some constructive and practical inputs from others first.

I can totally relate to this. Sex among young people is not only an “American urban phenomenon”, for in my country many girls are sexual active very early on. Some girls do it because they are conscious about their sexual feelings, others because sex offers higher social status among peers. Girls are being teased by other girls if virgins still at age 13. Today in some cities 12 years is quite the standard for girls to debut vaginally.

In my country, a girl of 16 can have sex without someone raising an eyebrow (and in neighboring countries this is 15), so here the pushing down in age is somewhat greater among the younger, I think. I live in a large city, and both my daughters did have sex at very young age (and I can relate to this because I too began early on without bad experience at all). From one mother to another, I think your decision to adapt wisely to the new cultural situation instead to fight against your daughter’s life and feelings would be to the best for both of you. If then your daughter have some bad sexual experiences (we hope not), she knows where to go to for safety, and your motherly warmth and understanding would only make life easier for her. It is not easy to let go of our daughters, but in reality, we do not possess them, and children (mostly girls) are often very sexual in body even years before their first menstruation. In nations like Spain, the kids have full sexual consent as 13 years old. In Netherlands as soon as 12 years if parents permit them before 16 years of age, but in that nation the kids have progressive sexual education from early on in the school (from 5-6 years). Germany as a similar system, but the age is between 14/16 year. This early age of consent work out excellent in sexual health on national level. It is only the more sexual conservative nations in West that experience sexual health crisis. This is still more obvious when you do not live in those countries. This is a fact worth ponder on.

If we obstruct their way into adulthood and shouting at them what to do, we will lose our beloved ones fast, and then we would not be in position of sharing wisdom and understanding, because our kids would not hear of it. Instead, we can choose to cooperate with their development in our modern society, and then they might listen and consider our adult advisement. We can only do our best to ensure that they come to us for guidance, because today there are countless other sources of information they would draw of if they feel that we are being too conservative. We cannot treat the kids of today as our parents treated us selves. In addition, we should not treat their sexual debut to be our life’s biggest disappointment as such immature reaction is not nice and never constructive at all.

That your daughter is shaving all of her pubic hair (both my daughters have always had their shine, me being the role model) is not necessary a sign of planning to be sexual active, as the smooth solution is about being as hygienical as possible, and she may have found that masturbation is better without hair coming between the skin, or she is simply partial to the shine over hairy and messy look. If you as mother, nonetheless, is feeling that she in her ways is preparing herself and groom her sex to be sexual ‘all set’, you could acknowledge her feelings by letting her know that if she have questions about sex, even shaving, that it would be nice of her to trust you in asking you about anything, because this is what mothering is all about. Give her impression that you understand her and want her to experience the best possible launch in this impotant and vital act as foundation for her later life, as she now seems to have sex anyway. Who actually want their children to gather bad sexual experience - apart of those who should not be parent anyway?

Today my daughters are 13 and 15 years old, and both are sexual active, not because of bad parenting. They are healthy and responsible in every important way, and enjoying life and modern possibilities. Instead having sex clandestinely, I rather know of their whereabouts, and am in more control than otherwise. It is better to have them experience sex at the residence more often than any other places. Because they feel I respect and understand their social reality and their personal attitudes and needs, I experience that they are listen to me when I first have to come with imperative warnings.

well, yes unfortuanlty girls are learning about sex much younger these days
I wouldn’t think too many of them would be having sex as young as 12
at least over here they don’t
all girls develop at different rates, so the daughter who got her period at 9 was just an early bloomer
as for the sex, you need to tell your daughter that you are there for her, and if she ever needs to talk about something or ask you for something, make sure you tell her that you’ll be there. as being able to talk to her about things will make her more likely to ask you for help if she needs it
you should also teach her a bit about sex, because at her age she wont be learning anything from school as I assume they don’t teach sex ed to 12 year olds
and if she’s getting any information from her friends of the same age then she’s probably getting incorrect information
so try and teach her about birth control, contraception, pregnancy and stds
talk about how you can get them, the risks of not using them, how pregnancy can happen, what you can use to help prevent that and stds, ect
and finally, do take her with you to the doctors and talk about putting her on birth control, try to be understanding, do try and encourage her that 12 is quite young for sex and that its perfectly fine to wait longer until she finds someone she’s loves, trusts, and when she understands the consequences that can come from it. but do also try and give her that added protection so just incase something were to happen, if she uses her birth control correctly she probably wont end up with an unwanted baby and not being able to finish her education for a while

Tell her about the stains you found, and tell her you wan't her to go get checked for STDs/STIs and getting a pap smear. My baby sister is 14 and my cousin is 13 and they are both having sex the best thing I could of ever did was make both of them go for Pap smears and get on birth control. Sit her down and let her know the risks of sex even if she already knows them just go over them and the side affects of the STDs/STIs.
Yours truly,
Demika Ray

p.s If you even would like her to e mail me on fun advice I would love to help her understand.

EVER SICK TELL HER TO CLOSE HER LEGZ HAHA DEMIKA DATZ OUR CUZIN SHENA ERR SHES A HOEE

I agree with modern mom
I am 14 years old and possibly pregnant, because my mom never talked to me about anything. I've been with one guy and one guy only and I've been with him for a year and a half now. I know what I need to know, and I did make a mistake with being unresponsible, but I find it a lot harder to tell her if I am and I blame her in a way for not ever talking to me about the risks before it was too late. I mean obviously I live in a society where teen pregnancy is common, so I knew anyways, but even though I knew; having my mother speak with me about how she felt and telling me she supported me, would have and could have possibly prevented this situation. I think you 100% should approach her about this. Let her know that when she does become sexually active, to let you know. And you'll be completely supportive. She may be scared and get defensive, but just think, the more defensive she is, the more likely you're suspicions are correct. If she asks you a sexual question, don't assume she's having sex. And if she asks you what to do, don't always suspect she's planning to. Though it's a possibility she is and has. I know this situation. I know for a fact if my mom ever approached me about stains in my underwear, I'd get very angry for her assuming the worst of me. Maybe those are just discharge stains. I had discharge before I started my period, and that can very well look like sperm sometimes, especially if it's not menstrational discharge and is just milky. So, again, If my mom had been there for me and let me know she was always going to be supportive of me, I wouldn't be in the situation I am in now probably. Though I don't mind being a possible mother, because I want to be in a way. I just think and feel that you should sit her down and let all your thoughts out. But think of a good way to approach the conversation. Try to not make it awkward, because sometimes the extent of the awkwardness can force the child to back out of the situation and say anything to just get you to go away. This is how I feel, and I hope I helped. Being a young person, with young sexual activities; This advice should help. If not, good luck to you both!